A Much Needed Getaway...

Next week I'll be off to the beautiful mountains of Colorado Springs, Colorado for a little getaway at a dude ranch. Yes, I said dude ranch. Horseback riding, rappeling, hiking, and soaking in God's beautiful creation. I told a friend about this the other day and her response was "Dude ranch? Now how are you gonna handle that? Have you ever even RIDDEN a horse?" And though it has been about five years, I'm not the biggest ignorant suburbanite the world has ever known either, so I was a bit insulted. Anyway, I plan on conquering the mountains and coming home a little freer. We, the senior class are literally counting the few days left to our release from the walls of the brick prison we have known these four years. Twenty four days. What a wonder!! When the final bell rings, what will I do? Scream? Jump for joy? Dance? I imagine the end will be as anticlimactic as all the others have been, as I walk to my car at one in the afternoon two hours before the actual end of the day. In my heart stands a silent vow... don't look back. I knew nothing but pain there, and soon I'll finally be released. Our head principal resigned last week, another sign that the school is completely transformed from the place it once was. The old teachers, the few, the proud, the tenured, stand with an irrevrent knowing look in their eyes. This is not how it was meant to be. They stay for us, for if they were gone, the poor slobs that have yet to finish would have no one left. There are loopholes beyond number, but it's up to these kids to find them, if they ever have the grit in their bones to cross the lines. Personally, I have chosen to give up all hope for the future of public education, I can't fight that crusade. (who in their right mind would?) My children will be private schooled or home schooled, I couldn't begin to make them live in the hell of my upbringing. Regrets? Mine are many. But looking back knowing nothing changes the past, I know these failures have given me a strength I never knew I could have. Yet I have realized recently just how hard I have become. My heart is more twisted, bitter and cynical than those who knew me as I was will ever be able to understand. It's not a transformation I enjoy, but it's a reality. Now as I prepare to enroll in my college classes (in two weeks! hurray for honors benefits!!), I feel as I have never felt... fearful, excited, peeking over the cliff that I'm about to dive off into the rest of my life. Here's to the beginning of the end...