The Prodigal Daughter

I am a different woman now. I have changed beyond recognition, and no one seems to realize it. Reaching the age of majority was only the most obvious difference. I got my first "real" job, a thankless minimum wage drudgery, but I love it. I lost my best friend... to a higher rung on the social ladder, and I know now that our relationship can never recover. It will be many years before I can learn to truly trust again. I abandoned my plan of attending a public school close to home, in favor of small, private Christian one in another state... it was the best, most difficult decision I ever made. I've never felt "good enough" (and still don't) but I suppose they'll have to take me as I am. We lost our house in October, the only place I ever learned to call home. Thus ended a six year chapter of my life.

My heart has been broken, and slowly, I am becoming whole again. It is a slow, painful, gutwrenching process. There is so much regret, so many things I wish I could repeat and do differently. Memories of the year gone by dance around in my mind and haunt me. As I look at pictures of the good times that were, I've never wished so passionately to turn time back to a place where I was happy. If only briefly. I am the Prodigal daughter, shamed to tears, yet I know that my Father is ready for me to come home again, when I am ready. In so many ways, I've become the rogue woman I always judged so readily... I have been places I never want to be again, but at least I can now understand the others who have been to the bottom with me. My sins were, and are many. All that keeps me going now is the knowledge and promise of the future, which I call my Freedom. One day I'll leave all this and refuse to ever look back. Here's to coming back up again, the only place I have left to go. This world... has been hard on my bones.