Ready to Wave the White Flag...

(A topic for discussion... seriously, someone give me some feedback on this) The word of the day is PASSION. As I walked the halls of my high school today, the thought overwhelmed me time and time again... HOW in the world do these people live like this? They have no spark... no enthusiasm... no visible fragment of intelligence (mainly due to ignorance and apathy). It prompted me to scream (inwardly), "Is there anyone alive out there?!?" I will never understand how these depraved folks get by. There is literally NOTHING beyond the latest "hot guy," and "what's for lunch today?" and my personal favorite... often yelled at my peers in the hall "*#!? you *#$!!" From the perspective of this crazy yet passionate person, these people are DEAD. How can you live without passion? Seriously, I want to know if these kids realize how empty their lives are. It makes me want to scream in their apathetic faces- DO SOMETHING! RESPOND! Don't they have the capacity to drop their selfish mindset and look beyond themselves...for just a moment? (Note to the reader who cries "hypocrite!" I know, I am just as selfish as the next person, but at least I occasionally realize it!) I realize that this is harsh. I know that it is not my role to judge. But is it too much to expect something? These are the people I am called to love, and yet when I attempt to do exactly that, I am greeted with a blank stare. What has happened to us? Perhaps it is not something that has happened the rest of the world, but to me. I am NOT the same person I was when we left in May. My world perspective was turned inside out and upside down. Coming down after such an incredible high, and wanting to tell the world about all the things that God taught me has been an incredibly surreal experience. Now, back in the world, I find that my cries of passion fall on deaf ears. I expected everyone to change, and of course, they did not. I'm no fool, I should have realized that. To these people who experience with me the joys and pains of our education, I am nothing. I am still the same goody goody, Bible banger, perfect little scholar, suckup and hypocrite that I always have been. I have been called many things. I have quit caring what these people's opinions are of me, but what I want more than anything is for them to hear what I have to say- just once. There is so much life out there. There is so much more than today. There is true joy, love and PASSION if you only stop for a moment and look. Despite my ranting, I love these people, and I'm learning how to love even those that are not easy to care for. They are my ministry, my mission field, though I have a poor way of showing it. I simply want some affirmation, that someone would tell me that what I do matters. Forget being a Christian, it's difficult to understand folks who aren't passionate and committed about something- surely one day they will wake up and realize what they have been missing. Carpe diem- we only have one chance. Being passionate is exhausting. I want to change the world, and yet I feel so ill equipped- nothing but faith and all the passion I can muster, which apparently is a lot, and it often freaks people out. Three cheers to all who aren't afraid to live out loud, who do not fear emotional outpourings. To my brothers and sisters, please pray for me- for our schools, and for this town. I have an overwhelming feeling that God is out to accomplish something amazing this year, and I want to make it happen. But how do I do it? Will anyone hear me? ~J